I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
