i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
