I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
