Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
