One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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