Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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