The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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