Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Randomize
