she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
and you fell through a lawn chair
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
