She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
