I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
