That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
