Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
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