When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
