whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
