I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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