I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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