i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Randomize
