Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I wish I only lived at night.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
If I had your ass I would rule the world
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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