Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I supernannyed him into submission
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
