She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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