I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
