why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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