Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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