conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
