were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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