all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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