I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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