angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
i think my cat just said my name.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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