he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
