i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
