i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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