the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
third nipple confirmed
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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