Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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