Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
