in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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