No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Randomize
