I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
