Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
