my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize