Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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