I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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