I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
