I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Duck Duck Cougar?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
