Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
