i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
