She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
