Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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