i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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