I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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