I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
