I heard we made out
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize