It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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