Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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