just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
