Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
