Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
