I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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