There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
that is very illegal...i love you.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
