we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Randomize
