I smell stomach acid.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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